What did we do last night that was yellow?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
