The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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