Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
