I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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