I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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