i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I forget how to act sober
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
