do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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