I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize