Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
