dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
