I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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