woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
