Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
