Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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