Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
