Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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