Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This toilet bowl is my home.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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