It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
