remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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