I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
