If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
