i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
