If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
