If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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