It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
