Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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