God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
