this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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