I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
