Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
