you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
