Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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