and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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