wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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