we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
