Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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