can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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