awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
COCAINE IS GR8
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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