You really coming over, don't trick.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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