big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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