I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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