Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
