I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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