I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
