PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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