Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
