Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So much Jack, so little girl.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
