Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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