Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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