yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
