What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How does one acquire holy water?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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