My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
