If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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