I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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