So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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