If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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