I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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