i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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