I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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