I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
