i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
