I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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