If i could tip my vagina, i would.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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