Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
