Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize