we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
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Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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