I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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