Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
