In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
