How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
