loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
