It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No more Irish car bombs ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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