why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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