we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
