I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
